We all needed a slow day so we hung out at the apartment all day except to walk to the store to buy cold cuts, cheese and a big tin of cookies to take with us as gifts. Late in the afternoon the children were starving so we gave them a handful of mini Milky Ways and Olya had her second bowl of the day of Pippa’s homemade borsch (big mistake to do that before a Ukrainian family meal).Vassily showed up around 6:00 to take us to Hallah’s apartment.
The aunt lived in a truly soviet-era apartment on the other side of Kiev and the other side of the world from our apartment. Their apartment was very shoddy on the outside. The hallways smelled terribly bad, the paint and the walls were crumbling.
Hallah's apartment door.All apartments used to be owned by the government and given to the workers. After the fall of the USSR apartments could be “privatized” allowing people to buy their individual apartments but the lobbies, hallways and elevators are still owned by the government. The government isn’t into sprucing up so the outside of most apartment buildings, even ours, look rough.
The inside of the aunt’s apartment was authentic soviet-era but cheerful. Every surface was covered in something: the walls in flowered wallpaper; tables in decorative linens and the sofa covered in a 40 year old Ukrainian rug that looked very much like an American Indian horse blanket.
We were greeted by a big group of people. This small two bedroom apartment housed seven people: Hallah, her son and (pleasant) daughter, their spouses and respective son and daughter and a guinea pig. Maria and Nikolai were spending the night there as apparently they often did when coming to Kiev to visit Andry. The aunt explained the sleeping arrangement––complicated but apparently it worked for them. After some fuss over Olya we sat down to a special dinner.
Hallah and Yelana, our translator.The table was filled with many dishes, most which were grown in their garden behind the apartment: potatoes, carrots, cucumbers and onions. There was a plate each of chicken, ham and cheese. And the large bottle of vodka that was the first thing to be dealt with. Vodka toasts and clinking of glasses, several times while we politely tried to explain “we don’t really drink much.” Nikolai and Maria sat quietly in their corner not eating or drinking. (After having heard the results of their dental appointment I think I know why!)
Aunt Hallah kept up a steady stream of chatter with Yelena doing a good job of rapid-fire translation. At one point Hallah bluntly asked if we had more money than they did, were we rich? We didn’t bite on that but simply said, “our culture is different than yours.” Yelana suggested to us later that Hallah is pretentious, likes everyone to know “she did better than the others,” much better than her sister Hannah and niece Maria. Yelana thinks the aunt is suspicious of us, that we might give Maria and Nikolai more than she has.
The aunt explained that she receives a pension of 150 grivnas a month ($50) and must work sweeping to support herself. She said it is hard to find good work without an education. That during the Soviet time, before the currency changed, it was better because they could live on their pensions. She had received the same pension her bosses received. Now she works as the cleaning lady for the advertising agency where her daughter is the office manager. The daughter’s husband is an electrician. Both live in the house with their son. Also living in the house is Hallah’s son who paints cars for a living and his wife and baby.
Having dinner with Hallah is like eating with your drill sergeant. She is a conversation monopolizer and openly critical. Our translator told us that when she went to the apartment earlier to drop off Maria and Nikolai and to see where the place was Hallah barked, “Why are you bringing this bandit to my apartment?” She told Maria and Nikolai that it was stupid of the Americans to fix their teeth. It would just bankrupt us.
A little later in the conversation, Hannah said that she would have liked to adopt Olya, but as we can see she doesn’t have enough room. (Good news to us since it is an indication she won’t likely go to the judge to try to adopt Andry.)
Hallah began to press on about Olya saying that Olya is not the happy child she remembered. Olya and Andry as well had been sitting quietly, each engrossed in their Game Boys during the adult conversation. Olya was bored for sure. She didn’t understand the language and didn’t remember anyone there including Hallah. But to make it worse, Olya ate nothing; her tummy was filled with the big bowl of borsch and Milky Ways. We tried to tell Hallah all about Olya, how happy she was, how accomplished in school and sports, but it was a lost cause until the chocolate covered cherries appeared. She’ll accept anything with cherry in it.
Then, because we know how much Olya wants to know about her life before her memories started, we asked Hallah if she had any pictures. We hoped there might be some of Olya as a baby or toddler.
When the photos came out Olya perked up and invited Andry, who had gotten up to help Maria and Nikolai with their cell phones, to come sit between Pippa and her to see the pictures.
Most were of Hallah, her husband and their three children. Historically and artistically many of the old black and white photos were interesting. Young men going to Soviet military duty. Hannah and five other giddy 18 year olds girls on their first day of work at the factory. People working on a collective farm.
There was a photograph of Maria at about three with her mother and grandmother. There were three photographs of Maria as a teenager.
There was a picture of Andry as a toddler, starting his first day of school when he still lived in the village and two of him in Spain, one of those at the beach.
There was also a picture of Olya when was in Spain.
Ron carefully took photos of all these pictures. Olya was very interested in the photo of her taken when she was four.
Fortunately they gave her the picture because I know she would have just taken it if they hadn’t. I don’t really blame her. From Olya’s point of view it wasn’t fair for this unpleasant stranger, Hallah, to have one of the few photos documenting her early life. There don’t seem to be any pictures existing of Olya before the age of four and at four only a handful taken by her Spanish host family.
Maria had brought the eggs she had decorated for us. But we decided not to discuss our idea in front of Hallah. For most of the meal both Maria and Nikolai sat quietly, not saying a word. Yelena told me later that Maria was beginning to get upset saying she would never see Olya or Andry again.
The short dinner was complete, we thanked everyone, and took a group photo of all as Hallah had requested.
Hallah followed us out and so we had no chance to say anything privately to Maria and Nikolai about the egg decorating idea.
On the way back to our apartment we discussed plans for taking Maria and Nikolai to their first dental extraction session tomorrow morning. Between them they need about a dozen teeth pulled before the false teeth can be created. We concluded that Pippa would remain in the apartment with the children and Ron would go with Maria and Nikolai to their dental appointment and make the financial arrangements.
Our trick is to certainly allow children contact without all of us becoming too familiar with one another. Then we must help Maria and Nikolai without them becoming too dependent on us. This is no little challenge. So far they have seemed very appreciative of everything we are doing; the chances to see the children and dental work. When we first saw them today they gave us huge jars of canned apricots, cherries and mushrooms.
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