Vasilly took me over to the dental hospital to make the final payment on the teeth restoration for Maria and Nikolai first thing in the morning in his air-conditioned Volkswagen sedan. Oh man, this car would have been nice instead of those hot days in his van. Of course, this sedan would have been too small for all us. Since Pippa and the children stayed behind in the apartment this morning Vasilly brought out his fancy car with Yelena in front as usual. The dental hospital is way over the other side of Kiev and we must go directly through the center of town and traffic jams nearly all the way.
However when we get to the hospital, the dentist wasn’t there. So, we changed plans. We stopped by Dva Gusya (Two Geese) and got all kinds of Ukrainian take out-food, some I recognized, most items I didn’t. But I bought a lot of food. I had Vasilly take me back to the apartment and drop me off. I gave him money to take back to the dentist when he went to bring Maria and Nikolai to dinner at our apartment.
Back at the apartment I (Pippa) did “school” with the kids. Olya practiced her multiplication tables and Andry worked in his language workbook. I have to keep a careful balance with my distribution of attention. Too much praise for one and the other feels jealous and discouraged. My approval is especially important to Andry. When Olya momentarily walked out of the room Andry asked me if Olya was better at school or he was better. He shines when I work with him on his workbook or show him flash cards. Hope that lasts!
Olya took a timed multiplication quiz and aced it! I wanted to jump up and dance and sing but couldn’t because I knew the negative affect it would have on Andry. I told Olya to go show her quiz to her father. Ron was in the bedroom, far from Andry and me, so he would be able to give her the praise she needed for such an accomplishment. Olya came back seconds later and said he was napping. When Andry leaned over, focused on his work book, I whispered in Olya’s ear. I told her how proud I was of her. That she should also be proud. That all her hard work had paid off. She smiled at me and looked at Andry out of the corner of her eye. She understood why our conversation had to be in secret.
After school, the children worked on their scratch-board art projects. At the store Andry had selected a tiger and dragon and Olya a horse and dog. Andry decided that I also needed to work on one. (Drat. This was supposed to be my opportunity to catch up on email!) Andry worked it out that Olya would work on the dog, her favorite, and I would do the horse. Andry would do the tiger and Ron could do the dragon. It’s WONDERFUL to see Andry want to be included and want to include us. This is a really, really healthy sign.
Since we will be going for a new egg-decorating lesson on Sunday I asked Andry to help me prepare some eggs by piecing them and removing the insides. I explained that eight eggs would be enough, two for each of us. Andry didn’t quite understand and two dozen eggs later I told him he had done a really, really great job. With all that practice he had become a master at removing the insides of eggs through the two tiny, tiny holes.
Maria had asked if we would pay for her “hair styling”; we had said yes and I (Ron) told Yelena to stop on the way back at some hair salon since I knew there should be enough cash left over to pay for it.
Everything seemed to be working to the new plan. Vasilly and Yelana showed up with Maria and Nikolai around four PM. Pippa had already wrapped the gifts the kids were going to give Maria as a kind of “tooth celebration” and the Olya had drawn a card for the package.
When Maria came in, she had her new “hair-do” and she did not have on her usual kerchief. This was the first time we had actually seen her without her hair covered. This was certainly a big improvement and as we all complimented her, she seemed very proud. That was nice to see. She comes across as very meek, modest and shy. You hurt for her. Maybe it is just her personality, maybe it is from being abused or maybe it’s from a poor self image. Whatever the reason, feeling better about her appearance should make her feel better about herself.
I (Pippa) immediately gave her the presents: a pink/magenta tank top and a striped bag with Olya’s card attached. When traveling on the bus to Kiev, Maria carries her belongings in a plastic bag, the kind you get at the grocery store. Olya had noticed this and suggested we get Maria a pretty bag. I added a shirt and colored pencils and pad of paper for egg design sketching.
Maria was very hesitant about accepting the present. She started by carefully looking at the attached card. I had asked Olya and Andry to decorate a card for her package. Andry said Olya should make it since Maria “no see her”. Olya had quickly drawn, in the following order, a picture of her, Andry, Maria and Nikolai standing side by side under a smiley-face sun. If I were Maria I would forever treasure that drawing.
Olya constantly draws pictures of our family in the same style, except more carefully and with more detail. Her pictures cover our refrigerator, my office and the walls of our house. They are very precious to me. Her drawings of our family always have us wearing shirts with hearts on them, or she has the two of us dressed alike. The pictures often include my parents, our dogs or other family members in the pictures. When I saw the drawing Olya had made for Maria’s present I surprised myself. I wasn’t hurt or jealous. (It also helped that Olya only added color to the picture with my encouragement. The pictures she draws for me are always very colorful.) I had the feeling that Olya had made that picture to comfort Maria; to help fill this huge hole you sense in her.
Quickly after receiving her gifts Maria went into the bathroom and came out wearing her new tank top and we, with hardly any encouragement necessary, had her pose for photographs.
Maria brought new decorated eggs for us. And these were very well done. Great skill and interesting design and color. Nikolai explained that he had helped by removing the insides of the eggs. We’d be very happy to give these eggs as special gifts. Our egg plan took a big boost in possibilities.
Yelana and I (Pippa) brought out all the food and we sat around the coffee table in the living room and had dinner. While Maria sat quietly Nikolai made plates of food for Maria and himself. The two of them have a thoughtful consideration for each other. I had not expected this and it continually surprises me when I see it. We have often seen Nikolai be solicitous of Maria. Can this be the same man that pummeled her time and time again?
For years I had wondered, “Why doesn’t this woman leave this abusive man?!” After meeting her and seeing them together I understand. Andry says Nikolai is only violent when he is drunk. Though, I am still suspicious. I’ve always thought that it must be your true personality that comes out when drinking, when your conscious mind is not there to control your inner feelings.
Six months ago Maria gave Nikolai an ultimatum. Stop drinking or get out. Since she had divorced him a year ago (she says in an attempt to regain custody of Andry) she probably had the law on her side in regard to having her exhusband evicted. Andry says Nikolai has been dry since the ultimatum and does not drink even when friends try to coax him to go out with them.
Conversation as you can imagine, is tough when we are all together. Olya won’t say a word to either Nikolai or Maria, primarily because she can’t say anything in Ukrainian. She is interested in her early history but doesn’t show any interest in her biological parents. Vasilly can’t speak in any language except Russian, Pippa and I can’t speak Russian or Ukrainian; Yelena forgets to translate in this kind of circumstance; Andry and Olya speak together only in Spanish; Andry talks to both Maria and Nikolai in Ukrainian and to us in very broken English. Pippa, however, is not daunted by any of this. She moves right on in her combination of English and charades-like acting out sentences. Somehow it works.
The children picked up the computers, sat beside Nikolai and Maria and showed what they have been doing in Simms. Then Andry took Pippa’s computer and showed Maria and Nikolai all our photos in iPhoto with a running commentary for them.
While this was going on Yelana asked me to go in the other room. First she tells me that I have to pay a few more hundred for some additional teeth that had to be extracted. OK, we’ll do that on Monday.
Then Yelana tells me that when they went to the hair salon, the beautician took Yelena aside to say that she would do Maria’s hair, but she must tell us that Maria’s head was filled with lice. Now what? At that very moment both kids were sitting next to Maria and Nikolai. Chances are Nikolai would have the same problem. As would the grandmother when we were at their home in the village. And it’s likely that all the covering on their bed sofas were teeming with such creatures. Would our sofas be “seeded” as well?
I gave Yelana some money to stop at a drug store to buy some medication to eliminate lice when they gave Maria and Nikolia a ride to Maria’s aunt’s house. Yelena would simply have to tell Maria and hope she would use the medication. I asked Yelena to buy some additional medication for us to use as a precaution.
I got Pippa aside and told her the bad news. We had no choice but to do the same with Olya; we would have to wait until they left to tell Andry. Pippa took Olya into the other room and put her hair in a bun. Thankfully the little licies haven’t had much of a chance to get on us. Ukrainians aren’t at all like Brazilians in the way they hug and kiss when they greet people. We have found that Ukrainians are usually stiff not even shaking hands when meeting. At least this is the case with Nikolai and Maria.
We played a game or two on the ice hockey game. Nikolai told us how thankful they were for the money we had spent for their dental work, that they would never have been able to afford it without us. We drank some more coffee and tea and gave the sign to Yelana that it was time for them to go. It was by then already seven pm. They left asking if we would come and visit them again at the village.
As soon as they were out of the door we had Olya run take a shower and told Andry about the lice. That was hard to do. The last thing we wanted to do was to say anything disparaging about his biological parents. But he seemed to understand and went quickly to take his shower as soon as Olya was finished taking hers. We didn’t talk about it again. We have no idea what we do about any future visits. No idea whatsoever. Pippa and I took our showers as well. About an hour later, the water in the apartment was off. Oh well, whatever.
I went on to bed clicking back and forth between CNN, BBC and DW (the German channel). CNN is really boring. They repeat the same segments over and over; the majority of segments are of English issues. BBC is a little better, but expectedly very England focused. The German channel has their point of view, but at least I get to practice the language a little. I ended up on the Hallmark channel, much better now that Andry changed the language to English from Russian.
I know it’s psychosomatic, but I can’t stop scratching.
Well, tomorrow’s another day.
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