We rode to a village nearby and went into an arts & crafts market which was Heaven for Pippa and Yelana and Hell for the kids and me. Although Andry continued with his pissy attitude, I let it go thinking the shopping would hardly brighten any male’s disposition. I know I was at my tether edge after an hour and a half.
Vasilly, Pippa, Olya and Yelana at the market.
Olya tries on traditional Ukrainian clothes.
Glimmer of hope. Andry puts a silly hat on Ron and snaps a picture.
We drove round and round and finally ended up at a restaurant that overlooked a big, raw cliff.
The atmosphere was in keeping with the rustic mountain esthetic, but the food was not very good and everything took a long time with each dish coming out fifteen minutes or so after the next dish. It was a long meal. Andry was getting more and more sullen.
In the car, Andry stayed in the rear seat by himself. He had started doing that for the last day, adamantly keeping Olya or anyone else from joining him in the rear seat. He wouldn’t say a word to anyone and would only answer a direct question with a curt monosyllable.
We stopped at a waterfall that is a tourist highlight. He tried to refuse getting out of the hot car but with my insistence, he got out, but very slowly and sullenly. He told Olya “why should he go see a waterfall; he had seen waterfalls before and he didn’t want to see this one.”
He was sullen during the walk to the waterfall. While Olya splashed Yelana and Pippa with water he stood in one spot, far from the falls, without speaking and walked back to the car silently as well. In the car he got back into the rear seat and layed down so no one could sit next to him and stared at the ceiling of the car. He did this for the next hour until we stopped at our new hotel.
All through the checking in and moving our things into the room he continued with his silent treatment of us.
It had been a long, unpleasant day with him. We got Yelana to come to our room to translate the discussion of his negative behavior toward us.
We asked him what was bothering him. He just shrugged. We said something must have happened to cause him to not speak to us and act so sullenly. Again, no answer. Essentially we told him that he was pouting like a little child, not a13 year old. We said that we had neither said nor done anything to him to justify this kind of angry treatment.
To everything we said, Andry remained silent. Finally we asked him if he wanted us to treat him like a child since he was acting like one. He said “yes”. We gave him several more chances to change his mind. He would not change his mind. So we left things that way.
We found a place to stay in Bukovel, a new ski development with tighter security than a military base. We were not even allowed to park anywhere near our ski lodge housing. But we decided to stay so the kids could take the ski lift the following morning that runs during the summer months for tourists. Andry curtly announced he did not want to go on the ski lift.
At dinner in the hotel’s restaurant Andry sat looking at his meal for half an hour and carefully staring into the far corner of the room. We decided (after speaking with Yelana, who told us that often prospective parents get this kind of treatment when they adopt and that some decide not to go through with the adoption) to lay it all on the line to Andry. We told him to think over what we had said––think carefully and sleep on it. His behavior was telling us that he did not want to be with us. In the morning, after he thought about it he needed to let us know if he wanted to be part of our family.
We’re emotionally exhausted. We know Andry must be in an emotional whirlwind as well. We want this boy badly, but not if he has changed his mind and doesn’t want to be with us. What’s going on with him now? Is he ready to run?
I don’t want to waste what’s left of my life spending days like this past day. I have a wonderful life with Pippa and Olya. I don’t want to loose that. Pippa and I talked and decided to give it until the morning when the temperature and his mood have had the opportunity to cool.
Back at the room and looking for an opportunity that would allow Andry to resume normal interaction with the rest of the family, I (Pippa) matter-of-factly asked Andry to help me pull out the sofa beds for Olya and him. It turned out to be a real brain-teaser because one of the beds was broken making it impossible to fold out. I didn’t mind. The situation created the opportunity for some much-needed teamwork from everyone in the family. This was the most interaction we had had with Andry the whole day and it felt wonderful. Vasilly and Yelana came to help us arrange a move to another lodge that would have enough beds.
After the move Olya came in with Andry and they were both smiling and asking to play something. To keep the mood light, we all played a card game of “Crazy Eight”, which was even funnier because we had to explain the game to Yelena and to Vassily who speaks not one word of English. After a couple of rounds Yelana and Vassily left for their hotel rooms, Ron and Olya were sleepy. Andry asked me if I wanted to learn a new, difficult card game. I jumped at the chance for some fun one-on-one time with Andry.
With the positive change in his mood, I rewarded Andry by letting him sleep on the balcony, which he was dying to do for some reason. Together we figured out how to stack the pillows and blankets to create a comfortable sleeping nest. This involved a lot of laughing and speculating about bears coming up to sleep with him.
Tomorrow is another day. We’ll see what the sun brings.
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