We have been sitting in Ukraine for the past 15 days just waiting for the judge to sign the court decree that officially makes Andry our son.
Ron went with Vasilly and Yelena to get the signed court decree in Bucha, the same town of Andry’s orphange. I (Pippa) stayed with the children all day at the apartment. Ron called after waiting in the car for hours, to say that Yelena just got into the car with decree.
With the court decree in hand we can request his new birth certificate, passport, medical tests, school records and permission from the American embassy to bring him to the States. Best case this takes a week; worst case two.
Even though we badly want to be HOME, the extra time here hasn’t been wasted. Ron and I have been in parenting overdrive. So many things are getting worked through and figured out. Having a great translator with us has made communication so much easier. In addition to languages, Yelena studied psychology and has interesting observations about Olya, Andry and the Ukrainian people including the biological parents.
Yelena, who has been doing adoptions for seven years and has worked with many, many children, said that both Olya and Andry are especially sensitive children (which is good). She feels that Olya has developed very advanced social skills. Yelena said that Ukrainian parents don’t teach their children things like writing thank you notes, looking people in the eye when talking, or having a pleasant look on your face will make people more receptive to you.
She said that in contrast to Ukrainians who never smile (except in photos and at jokes), Americans have a permanent smile. She wanted to know how we do it. She went through a series of facial gyrations trying to get her relaxed smile just right.
A friend of hers was recently hired for a high level position working with Americans. He was told he was perfect for the position but he had to learn to smile or he wouldn’t keep the job. To train his face he held a pencil long-ways between his teeth all day for a week.
She really likes how we (and other Americans) link how a child feels to their good or bad behavior. And how we try to get to the route of a child’s feelings to understand and modify their behavior.
While we waited for Ron the children and I had lots of time together today. After a little schooling and showers the first of two episodes of moodiness began with Andry. He ate his lunch with his head down staring at his plate. I asked but he wouldn’t say what was bothering him. After lunch he quickly went to his room. He had the door closed, lights off, playing on his PSP.
I knew I had to get him out of his darkened room and interacting with me. I told him matter-of-factly that I needed him to come help me make bread. I was surprised when he, without protesting, got up and walked with me to the kitchen. All he said was, “Why Olya no make bread?” I explained to him that Olya wasn’t grumpy with me.
After helping me for about 45 seconds he asked my why I had said he was “stinky”. Aha! Now I understood why he was upset. Earlier when the kids were protesting about taking a shower I teasing told them to get their stinky feet in the shower right away.
Andry relaxed after I explained to him that Olya had stinky feet too; that before I had taken a shower my feet were stinky. Andry asked, “Ron have stinky feet?” Yes, of course. Ron also had stinky feet. I was very encouraged at how willingly Andry discussed what was bothering him.
We had a great time making the bread together. I asked him what shape he wanted to make the bread into. He didn’t know the word so he drew the picture below. Doesn’t everyone want their bread in a skull and crossbones shape? As you can see, the bread turned out just like his drawing, with the help of a couple of walnuts for eye sockets and teeth.
Half an hour later there was another episode with him over something that was a misunderstanding like the stinky-feet-episode. With the help of BabelFish, the online translator, we were able to discuss and resolve the misunderstanding. I was also able to tell him that Ron and I love him and are not going to do anything to hurt him; that we will treat him and Olya equally. Like the last time, he quickly was his cheerful self again.
Being adopted as a teenager has got to be a giant adjustment. An even greater adjustment for him than it is for us. I am impressed with how well he is handeling everything. I am sure, with more understanding of English, these two episodes never would have happened.
Ron called and said he was on the way with the decree and Olya’s perfectly repaired computer. Hooray! He asked if he should stop and do the grocery shopping before he comes home. “No way”, I replied. “The children are starved and want to go ASAP to Yakatoriya. Let’s go celebrate finally having the court decree!"
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